Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
