I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I think my fart just growled at me.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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