brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
