apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
