new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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