She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
When did angry sex become our thing?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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