It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Randomize
