I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
