the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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