im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
