My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
