true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I think my moral compass just broke
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
