I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
