His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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