Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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