The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i used baking grease as lip gloss
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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