I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
