I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
