i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
