There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
