I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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