Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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