its not stalking. its research.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
