Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
