She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
