So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
