dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just high enough for therapy.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
