She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
