I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
you're hired as official boob wrangler
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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