And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I stole a fireplace last night.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
