Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
