just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
