In America we eat man semen.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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