I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
