I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
