just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
