I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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