he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
