the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
