plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
