I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
