We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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