My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
