you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
