Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
