"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
