we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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