Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
