I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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