i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
